Happy Consember 34th! What? You don't know what Consember is? It's a new month I've added to the calendar.
Consember ends on December 31st. It's the start of the month that's a bit tricky to pin down. Technically, Consember starts on the day that Wal-Mart, KMart and all the giant retailers start putting Christmas items in their "Seasonal" departments. In decades long gone, America at least had the common sense to kick off Consember on "Black Friday," the Friday following Thanksgiving. That would keep the holidays from encroaching on Thanksgiving and would let us enjoy our turkey and canned cranberry sauce. Regrettably, however, Consember has grown in duration and now not only eclipses Thanksgiving completely, but has successfully overshadowed Halloween as well.
This year, Consember started earlier than usual - the weekend before Halloween. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means that Black Friday will fall on Consember 36th. This means we won't celebrate Christmas until Consember 65th and New Year's Eve until Consember 71st.
On Thanksgiving tomorrow (Consember 35th), Santa will ride the last float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade, formally ringing in what used to be the first shopping day of the holiday season. Won't he be surprised to find that consumers have a 35-day head start on his elf workshop?