It started with the political dittoheads. The unthinking morons who merely forward talking points without thinking were the first to go. Unfriend.
While I was at it, I disassociated from the hucksters. You know, the people trying to sell stuff from their living rooms. The type of people who are always inviting you to parties where they demo products and try to sell you junk. Unfriend.
That made it easier to go after the jetsetters. You know, the people always trying to get attention by posting pictures of exotic places they're visiting, or checking in from a restaurant in some foreign country you'll never travel to. No more hotels on tropical beaches, thirty-ton stone Buddhas or complaints about airport wifi. Unfriend.
Then I went after a few more groups. The stay-at-home moms complaining about their kids throwing up on them. The annoying dads who post pictures of their crotchfruit as if anyone cared. The schmucks who post thrice-daily spiritual affirmations in the form of frilly text over a picture of a sunset. The amateur 'life coaches.' The self-diagnosed Asperger's sufferers who can't catch a break. The political activists who post inflammatory comments about human rights violations in dark corners of the world that no one cares about. The people who post spoilers about TV shows you haven't seen yet. The people who post glurge their crazy old aunt sends them. Defriend, defriend, defriend. ..
Can't forget about the social game addicts looking for some sort of assistance with the next Candy Crush level or looking for something to bling out their virtual farm. Or the people who talk about their jobs in specialized lingo only their colleagues understand. The saccharine newlywed couples who post their wedding photos. The people with low self-esteem who constantly fish for compliments. The teens posting pictures of themselves trying to out-party one another. The girls who duckface. Defriend, defriend, defriend. ..
And who wants to stay connected to the perpetually clueless? You know - the people who can't figure out the difference between the search bar and the status update bar and who comment in all caps? Or the vaguebookers who post non-specific references to Things Generally Going Wrong so that other people will drag the details of the problem out of them? The people with First-World Problems? The people a hop, skip and jump behind the conversation who re-post things everybody was talking about three days ago? Unfriend, unfriend, unfriend...
We got rid of all the people who were annoying on Facebook, and suddenly, the social network world was a very boring place. Pretty much just me and Fred. We like the same things, but he only posts a couple times a month. Man, Facebook sucks.